I have not been on LJ for so long! I've kind of become a lame Farmville + Facebook addict! I need to go back and read lots of missed journal entries from everyone. Everything has been going okay for me. Lately I've been going out a lot at night with Isaac and his friends and having fun. My grandma has been here for a super long time. I absolutely love when she is here. The weather is beautiful. I think the fall definitely makes me a happier girl. I have no idea what else to say. I'm just happier, right now I am. On another note, I've been wanting to photograph some of my new dresses and I finally got around to it today!

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Isaac and I had a good weekend. Friday was the Artwalk and since we hadn't been in quite awhile we stopped by. It was so so packed! I didn't find anything but a cute cake keychain. Everyone went to Roosevelt's where we were lucky enough to find a table. I had a cup of Woodchuck, the only beer I can stand. Later on we went over to Vanessa's and stayed till two in the morning.

On Saturday Isaac and I had pancakes. Him...pumpkins and I...pecan buttermilk. Then we went to the library and checked out books on how to survive an alien invasion, forgotten cocktails, crafting, typography, poetry, Japanese patterns, and a Kobe Abe novel. Success! I'm kind of surprised how many good books are local library buys. I hadn't gone in a very long time. Then he went off to close at work. I went to visit him for his lunch and stayed a couple of hours reading magazines and taking lame pictures on Photobooth. I love being around him while he works!

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A couple of days ago I found out I have surpassed my yearly goal of reading 52 books! 56 so far! I didn't think I was going to make it this year because of starting school but somehow I did. Does anyone still do this 52 books a year thing? How many have you read so far? Lately:

What I Was by Meg Rosoff - Most amazing, brilliant, beautiful, every single good word rolled into one imaginary non-existent word that doesn't exist but should so as to describe this lovely book.

Persepolis and Persepolis 2 by Marjane Satrapi - Wonderful, can't believe I took so long to read them.

One Hundred and Forty Five Stories in a Small Box by Deb Olin Unferth, Sarah Manguso + Dave Eggers - A lot of hit or miss with me but I really didn't like Deb Olin Unferth's stories.

The Entomological Tales of Augustus T. Percival: Petronella Saves Nearly Everyone by Dene Low - Childrens book I picked up because of the pretty illustration on the cover. It seemed like it would be a cute story but I found it disappointing.

Sometimes My Heart Pushes My Ribs by Ellen Kennedy - One of the most awful, poorly written, no-point books I've ever read. It's supposed to be a book of poems.

Lastly, check this book out. Vintage Spirits and Forgotten Cocktails: From the Alamagoozlum to the Zombie 100 Rediscovered Recipes and the Stories Behind Them. Recipes for vintage cocktails from the 1800s to the 1940s, super awesome! We, Isaac's friends and us, are planning a small cocktail party to make some of these. Can't wait!

Some of you may remember my mention of the Olive Edition books put out by Harper Perennial which I really really adore. I was glad to find out a couple of days ago that today three new editions are being released. Run to your bookstore!

I have to keep everything to myself because there is not one person I can talk to. I can write in here or on Twitter but if/when he sees it he'll get angry instantly. In the end, nothing matters because he will never want to try and see how it would be living in San Francisco. I will just follow him anywhere he goes. Never mind my education or my lack of friends or the fact that I did stay here and try for him but he is unwilling to do it for me. Seriously never mind it at all because I know that I could never leave without him. That's just the type of person I am. Weak. This all started because he asked me how my online classes were going and honestly they are going horribly because I hate them so much. I feel like I'm not learning anything. I want to be in class. I want to make friends. I want to go to that school. I want to live in San Francisco because I love it and the people. Because hanging out with Josh and Ashley was the first time I felt like I belonged with someone and had fun and talked. He knows this yet he won't go. We talked about it tonight. I attempted to ask him again if he would please just go and try it for a semester. I cried so hard. My heart hurt so bad. But every time is "No. No, I don't want to go there." So what am I going to do? These online classes are not working out. I feel like I should just drop everything and find a major that I can do here or where ever he ends up getting a job after he graduates. This is what I do because I love him.

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I hate weekends. Especially weekends when Isaac isn't here which is rare but still. It just makes me remember how I don't have any friends. I have no one. I can't remember the last time I had a real friend. I truly think if I had a friend I wouldn't be so depressed, so miserable. And my relationship with Isaac would be better. Being like this with him isn't healthy but it's the only way I know how to be. Since middle school I've never had friends, just boyfriends. Us together constantly and always. I want to be able to have someone to hang out with when I don't feel up to going out to a loud bar to drink with Isaac and his friends. I want him to be able to go out with them by himself and me be okay with it because I have someone to spend time with too. I'm really grateful for his friends, for them accepting me into their circle and being kind and welcoming to me. I really like them, very much. But your boyfriend's friends are never really your friends because once you are not with that person anymore, their friends are gone too. Why is it like this for me? Why is it so hard to make a friend? All I want is someone to shop with, someone to complain about boyfriends with, someone to go to a book-store or coffee shop with, someone to do nothing with.

Hugo and Chelsea and Geraldi, were they ever really my friends? Out of all of them Hugo was most like one. But they are never there for me when I need them. I haven't heard from Geraldi in maybe six months or more. Hugo never answers. I've called and text Chelsea so many times these past months and not once has she answered or gotten back to me. What's up with that? Does that mean she, for some reason unknown to me, doesn't want to be my friend anymore? I don't know. Why am I twenty-two and completely friendless?

La Photocabine

I love these cute internet photo things! I'm wearing two of my newest dresses and my new headband. Anyhow, I've got some wonderful news! Isaac and I just bought plane tickets to Chicago from 9 January to 22 January! We are going to visit his friends, Matt + Marisol + their babies, who live there. I'm very excited but I don't know how I'm going to survive in such cold weather. Anyone have any advice on where to eat and shop?

Here are the whole wheat buttermilk ginger and cinnamon pancakes I make sprinkled with powdered sugar and served with raspberries. These are the photos I took with my Minolta SRT-201 for my Photography for Graphic Designers class. There were a few accidents like something on my lens that made a small blur area you can see in some of the photos and the fact that they are so dark despite taking them in front of a big window. The light meter told me there wasn't going to be enough light so I took alot of digital shots as well. You can see more on my Flickr. Anyway, they are so fun and simple to make! And so good. I make alot at one time and freeze them to eat later.

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Lately;
Reading The Hobbit, learning how to play WoW, watching all my television shows: The Big Bang Theory, Fringe, The Vampire Diaries, Modern Family, Dexter and becoming obsessed with Glee, being excited about the future episode going to be directed by Joss Whedon, loving the new fall weather, ginger pancakes every weekend, using my film camera, checking out lots of books. My dad's birthday today, making him a Pear Struesel Coffee Cake, two batches so that he can have some to eat for later days, family dinner, Isaac in my room waiting for me, catching up on Fringe and Dexter later on most likely! Also, really loving the new Lula issue. Anyone have back issues they are willing to sell?

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Woke up very early in this morning. Had coffee while I caught up with my daily writings. While working on a photography project Madi decided to join in! Then I made some ginger pancakes and we ate. And now I can't stop listening to Dead Man's Bones. I'm going to go develop the film in awhile and I'll post some photos later or tomorrow. Have a good weekend!

01: Everything lately has been going okay. I feel much happier than normal though I still struggle everyday to try and be a good person and yet always feel like I am being selfish. I want to be a better girlfriend, a better daughter, a better aunt, a better student, a better granddaughter. It's so hard trying to be good. I always give into my moodiness and selfishness. Take Isaac, for example. I love him so much and yet...oftentimes I am left wondering what I did to deserve him and why he continues to want to be with me when I am the way I am. Sometimes we get into arguments, silly arguments and I want to break up because it is just easier that way. He is a good person and I feel like all I do is complain about his parents, the university newspaper he works at, going out, not spending enough time together...dumb things I shouldn't be so uptight about. Lately he has been so busy because it is his last few months of college and this semester he was promoted to editor of his section at the newspaper and so he's so busy yet he still takes the time to come spend hours with me everyday when he should be working. I know I complain alot but I hope he knows how grateful I am that he'll come to me every day because I need him every day. I do not have friends that I am close with. I don't have anyone that'll be there for me. But he always always is.

02: School is so discouraging but it is my own fault. I keep slipping and I'm getting so far behind. I need to be better and go to class every day and do homework every day. My drawing class is giving me so much trouble. I don't draw or paint or do anything nice like that and I'm struggling to get through that class. Right now we're doing exterior and interior perspective drawings. For my Fundamentals of Graphic Design class we have to design a logo and poster for a group or organization. I already know what I'm doing it on. Now I just need to be inspired. For my photography class we have to pick a photographer and emulate their style. I think I'm going to do it on Jennifer Causey because I really identify with her photography.

03: I really haven't been doing much reading lately because I don't have much time. Isaac is always here or I'm doing classwork. It makes me sad, really sad! I've gotten so many great books from the library but they're just stacked by my bed. Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell and The Ladies of Grace Adieu and Other Stories both by Susanna Clarke. Slipstream anthologies: Conjunctions 39 The New Wave Fabulists and Feeling Very Strange: A Slipstream Anthology. Look into slipstream fiction if you don't know what it is. And Oh!: A Mystery of Mono No Aware by Todd Shimoda.

04: My favorite pancakes in the world are the ginger ones from Dottie's. For some strange reason I never thought to try and make them here at home. No idea why! But last weekend the thought struck me so I looked up a recipe for a basic whole wheat pancake recipe, went to the grocery store, bought all the stuff, came home and made them. They were a success! I was so happy I jumped up and down. I was real worried because I don't like home-made pancakes. I've never had any that I really loved. They have never tasted the same as when you go out and have them at a restaurant. I think the buttermilk in the recipe, the whole wheat flour, and the high quality syrup made a huge difference. Buttermilk makes them so fluffy and whole wheat flour just tastes so much better. High quality syrup is alot more expensive but tastes so different from the high fructose corn syrup disgusting concoction we usually buy. The recipe was pretty easy to follow. Then I just added brown sugar instead of white sugar, vanilla and lots + lots of ginger and cinnamon. If you love ginger (I say you must love ginger because these pancakes are really ginger-infused), then you should make them. Ask if you'd like the link to the recipe.

Madi and Isaac enjoying my pancakes.

05: I've been wanting to make some video posts but I never know what to talk about. I start it and I'm just there babbling about nothing in particular. They end up not posted. So, if you want to know something about me...anything at all...any question comment so I can have something to talk about! Also I've been wanting to do a paper goods trade with someone who loves stationary and paper as much as I do. I have lots of stuff and I'd love to do a trade. Email or comment if you're interested! If you read all this, thank you.